PRACTICAL VS. IMPRACTICAL
During a recent office meeting, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The building is on fire!!!"
The METHODISTS gathered in the corner and prayed, divided over which of them were arminians and which were calvinists, then they could put the fire out.
The BAPTISTS cried, "Where is the holy water? If you don't soak in water, you will get burnt!"
The CALVINISTS declared, "We were premade to put the fire out, but those who are not saved are premade not to put the fire out!"
The QUAKERS quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings with its inner light, put down the Bible, and asked, are you my friend?
The MORMONS said God is gods, and because we know this we can put the fire out.
The JW's said since Jesus is not God we can put the fire out.
The LUTHERANS posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil, and felt calvinism was not, nor was the pastoral system.
7th DAY ADVENTISTS said we can put the fire out if
it is Saturday, but if we are wrong it is doesn't matter because eventually
the fire goes out by itself.
The ROMAN CATHOLICS passed the plate and paid for indulgences to cover the damage and prayed to the sinless Mother of God
The JEWS did not see the Messiah, so it must not be a real fire.
The CONGREGATIONALISTS shouted, "the fire is spreading, but its alright as long as the fire is out in our building!"
The FUNDAMENTALISTS proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God! Only in the KJV can we find out how to put the fire out"
The EASTERN ORTHODOX said we ought to find out what the government thinks first.
The BRETHREN (1828) said I know the Bible perfectly objectively but I am afraid to put the fire out.
The EASTERN ROMAN CATHOLIC BYZANTINE said lets see if we can get the eastern orthodox and the roman catholicist together to agree how we can agree on putting the fire out, but we will ultimately decide.
The EPISCOPALIANS consulted with their supervisor and their supervisors asked their president to make a final decision; then everyone formed a procession and marched out according to the president.
The PURITANS formed several denominations first before they could put the fire out.
The NON-OSASers said if we don't put it out, we will
The COPTIC said I think I can still remember that archaic language incantation to put the fire out.
The CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS concluded that there was no fire.
The PRESBYTERIANS appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report after they decided. Then they all decided it doesn't matter anyway since they were guaranteed a pension for life and if the building burns down they will never have to work ever again.
The BIBLICAL LOCALISTS cooperated by grabbing several fire extinguishers, and put the fire out quickly making sure all was safe in their locality, and the fire did not spread to other buildings or other adjacent localities.