Limes with Orange

"The heart has its reasons, whereof reason knows nothing" — Blaise Pascal

Was talking to my mother about the book I'm going to be writing during National Novel Writing Month (which reminds me, the NaNoWriMo website should be back up and running now... must go check in). So I was telling her the basic storyline and got to the bit about the main character tapping into her supernatural powers and my mother asked me where my concept of the supernatural comes from. Is it the Celtic paganism of my aunt on my dad's side of the family? Or the Native shamanism from my mother's side? And while I lean more towards the Celts, I realized that in my mind all religion—and to me that includes all belief in the supernatural—is water from a communal well. So whether it's witches or shamans, Christians or Jews, to me it all boils down to common mythic themes à la Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth.

This is my truth at this moment, anyway. An important disclaimer because my views on religion, spirituality, mythology and the supernatural seem to be in a constant state of flux. Adding to the confusion is the fact that I seem to have a distinction between things I actually believe and things that intrigue me and I kind of want to believe but don't really. (For example, when I was in grade 5 and studying Greek mythology, I was fascinated by the Greek gods. I didn't actually believe in them but I found myself wanting to believe in them. Very odd.) So I've been trying to figure out what I believe right now.

What I know I believe: The universe is too mathematically beautiful for me to be convinced that it's all just a random accident. (And I'm not using the teleological "argument from design" here... I'm not claiming that it is impossible for the universe to have organized itself that way without a "designer." I'm talking about the "unreasonable effectiveness" of mathematics as a method for understanding the universe. And no, I don't buy the argument that mathematics is a human construct invented for this very purpose. Guess I'm just an old-fashioned Platonist at heart.)

What I think I believe: That there is an overall pattern to our lives that we would be able to see if we could see the big picture, but because our perspective is zoomed in so close, it appears random. (Intellectually, I recognize that believing "everything happens for a reason" may just be an easy rationalization, especially for people who have endured much suffering. It gives them a reason for their suffering; it doesn't matter that they don't yet know what that reason is. And it's certainly true that many people who survive tragedy or illness come to adopt such a belief. But I can't help but wonder if the truth lies in the flipside: that people who have endured suffering have learned to look at life differently and have glimpsed something that those untouched by tragedy may not yet see.)

What I want to believe: The philosophy of Judaism. (Since Judaism is the only religion that I was ever formally exposed to, I realize that it's natural to lean towards it when considering religious affiliation. But in my gut, I feel as though there's more to it than that. I seem to be somewhat chickenshit in following up on this, however, and I'm not sure if it's my reluctance to be involved with any organized religion or if some deeper fear is involved. Still working on this...)

What intrigues me even though I'm very sceptical: Supernatural phenomena and the paranormal. (Sure, I love Buffy and Charmed and all those shows, and I'll admit that they've got great entertainment value and perhaps that fuels my interest in this area. But I have experienced dreams and visions that make me wonder if there might not be something to the whole supernatural/paranormal thing, after all. So far, however, my scepticism is winning out on this one. But that could change...)

Labels: philosophy