Limes with Orange

Okay, so I missed BSG: Razor because of my grandfather's 90th birthday party, but fortunately it's coming out on DVD on December 4th, so I'll have plenty of time to watch it before the new season starts in January. In the meantime, if you're looking for a BSG fix but have watched the old episodes so many times that you know the scripts by heart, then have I got a video for you...

Battlestar Galactica: Season 3 Gag Reel:


Enjoy!

Labels: battlestar galactica, humour

"Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason."
~ unknown

Labels: humour, politics, quotes

There's a bunch of Funny Protest Signs over at eBaum's World. Here's one of my favourites, showing the language of the internet being incorporated into the language of protest:


I was also rather amused by the one that said, "Bombing for Peace is like F&cking for Virginity." If you're looking for more chuckles, you might want to check out the rest of them.

Labels: bush bashing, humour, politics

Check out this Daily Show video where Bush makes a statement while talking about education that Jon Stewart couldn't make funnier even if he took it out of context:

Labels: bush bashing, humour, jon stewart

Last night, on Jon Stewart...

Labels: humour, jon stewart, politics, tv, videos

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I''ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"

Labels: humour

The Young Liberals have put together a new advertising campaign that spoofs the Mac/PC commercials. It's really quite clever. Obviously the production value isn't quite as high since the Young Liberals don't have the kind of budget that Apple can throw at a commercial, but I think they're still pretty fun to watch. This one's called "Branding":


The also have one on "Global Warming" and one called "Cross Dressing." If you enjoy this one, I think you'll get a kick out of the others, too. So check 'em out!

Labels: humour, politics, videos

Q: How many US Attorney Generals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: I cannot recall that particular answer at this time.

Labels: humour, politics

Cold War, that is!

Jon Stewart on Russia's return to form:

"Over the last few months, as we've seen Russia commit political assassinations, suppress its media and rig elections, I can't help but think: they're back, baby! Do you think they'd want to get in the Cold War again with us — because that war was awesome!"

Labels: humour, jon stewart, politics

Jon Stewart of The Daily Show on the Democrats' efforts to lose the Iraq War:

"Last Friday the House put yet another cherry on its treason sundae by narrowly passing a war spending bill calling for the end of combat operations by next September, a plan Republicans immediately denounced as an admission of failure—as opposed to their plan, which is failure without admission."

Labels: humour, jon stewart, politics

Did you know that Francis Ford Coppola, best known as an award-winning filmmaker also happens to make wine? I gather he's been doing this for around 25 years on his Napa Valley Estate, so I could see where this is something that other people know already. But I only discovered it by the merest chance. I was looking for a good wine quote and I found one by Mr. Coppola himself.

He says the two professions of filmmaking and winemaking are almost the same and that both depend on quality source material and both take a lot of time to perfect. The big difference according to Coppola: "Today's winemakers still worry about quality."

Ouch! Nice one.

Labels: film, humour, pop culture

You miss one day of blogging and your friend sends you this cartoon:


the computer demands a blog

Labels: blogging, humour

In keeping with the subject of my previous post, I just stumbled across this very amusing blog. Here's the most recent entry for your reading enjoyment:

Little-Known Fact: Chelsea's an Open Air Prison

Little girl: And I'll be the mommy and you'll be the daddy and she'll be the baby!
Little boy: No, I want to be the mommy!
Little girl: Well, we can't be gay, because that's illegal in New York.
Nanny: Who told you that?!
Little girl: My mommy.

--Rite Aid, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: Monika

via Overheard in New York, Mar 18, 2007

Labels: humour

I just found this on You Tube: "Mind Control Made Easy." (The Stewie reference in the title just seemed like a natural fit, dontcha think?) It's a brilliant "instructional video" about how to start a cult. Cuz you never know when you might need one.

Labels: humour, videos, weird stuff

Here's an interesting idea. This legal site that's trying to educate people about mesothelioma has tried to make the site more interesting by including medical humour and information about bizarre diseases (like WALKING CORPSE SYNDROME or BLUE SKIN DISORDER). Personally, I think it's a great idea. I would love it if the Lupus Foundation—and the other medical sites I visit frequently—were to use this approach.

They've got cartoons:


And jokes:

A young doctor had moved into a small town and was setting up a new practice. He had a new sign painted and hung it in front of his office, proclaiming his specialties:

"Homosexuals & Hemorrhoids"

The town fathers were greatly upset with the sign and asked him please to change it. The Doctor was eager to please, so he put up a new sign:

"Queers & Rears"

The town fathers were really fuming about that one, so they demanded that the Doctor come up with a decent sign that would not offend the townspeople. So the Doctor finally came up with an acceptable sign:

"Odds & Ends"

I think it would be even better if the humour could be more focused on the disease in question, but there probably aren't a whole lot of jokes and cartoons about mesothelioma. Go figure.

Labels: health, humour, odds and ends

No, not the political Bob Marley kind of "Stand Up" but the entertaining comedy kind...

I was surfing over at this site called the Tribeca Network and checked out their comedy channel. I just randomly clicked on one of their "Latest Shows in Comedy" which happened to be jacquetta live... talk about getting lucky: this chick is funny! Check her out for yourself:


Hmm... I seem to be having trouble embedding the video. For now, just click on the jacquetta link above. Hopefully, I'll sort this out soon.

Labels: cool sites, humour, pop culture

This video appears to have been doing the email rounds for a while, but it amused me so I thought I'd include here. While I was uploading it to You Tube, I discovered that there are a lot of videos about dogs scratching their backs. Apparently this is a popular a source of entertainment. Who knew?

Labels: animals, humour

I was listening to Melissa McClelland's CD, "Stranded in Suburbia," the other day, laughing as usual at the line from Picture Postcard: "And he was crazy for her / As crazy as a crazy person could be." And I was reminded of this old email that circulated years ago but, for some reason, I still have hanging around. I think it's originally from a competition for bad analogies and not actually analogies that people wrote or published in all seriousness. At least I hope so.

Having said that, I think a writer like Douglas Adams could probably take some of these analogies and actually make them work...

ANALOGIES YOU PROBABLY WON'T FIND IN GREAT LITERATURE

"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

"She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."
(Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30."
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

"Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

"Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake."
(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."
(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."
(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."
(Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

"Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like Second Tall Man."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

"The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can."
(Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)

"They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth."
(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

"The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."
(Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)

"The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon."
(Jennifer Frank and Jimmy Pontzer, Washington and Sterling)

Labels: humour, writing

After my copyright rant and my confusion and despair over Starbuck (yes, I know it's just a TV show), I thought it was time to go back to light and fluffy. And what's lighter and fluffier than cute pets? (Okay, so sometimes they're not literally light and fluffy, but they could be… like a kitten. )

There's this site called PetHumour.com that has entertaining animal videos, cute pics, trivia, pet cartoons, animal jokes and funny top 10 lists. I logged on today and found a photo called "Hot Dogs" that I thought was adorable.

So when you need a warm and fuzzy chuckle, check it out...

Labels: animals, humour

(I have to give kudos to Comedy Central's Joke of the Day... they finally sent me a joke that I think is truly funny.)

The Four Ghosts of the White House

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away...

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...

The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

Labels: bush bashing, humour

I was doing a little surfing after posting my Battlestar Galactica commentary and came across this site called Jokeroo that hosts these funny videos. I found "Tiger Tackle" on the front page... a very short clip but highly entertaining. I definitely recommend it. So I decided to hunt around the site a bit more and ended up finding an even better video: the "Presidential Speechalist" is sooo worth the watching. Oh so worth it! *giggles with glee*

Labels: bush bashing, humour

I found this post on another blog: Kill The Goat (which happens to have been nominated in the best Canadian blog category of this years Bloggies). I thought it was so funny, and all too relatable for many of us, that I just had to repost it here:

Sometimes,
when life gives you lemons
all you can do
is cut them into wedges
and do tequila shots
until you're on the floor
in a pool of your own vomit.

Labels: humour

I went to check out "Better Living through Chemistry," the blog of someone who had left a comment on my blog, and got a kick out of his "Disturbing Advertisements" series.


That so-called simpler time is rather horrifyingly hilarious from a modern perspective, dontcha think?

Labels: humour

I've had a lot of people landing on this blog looking for "The Hippopotamus Song." I assume they're looking for the Flanders & Swann song but, having no idea if there's another song by the same name, I could be way off the mark (I've included the lyrics below so you can figure out at a glance if this is the song you're looking for). I'm not quite sure why this resurgence in popularity for the song (if this is indeed the song they want), but I think it's pretty cool. If you happen to be one of the people looking for the song (which is available here), I would love it if you would leave me a comment as to what prompted you to try to find it. If, however, you are looking for "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas"... I'm afraid you won't find that here, sorry.

The Hippopotamus Song
Words by Michael Flanders
Music by Donald Swann and Michael Flanders

A bold Hippopotamus was standing one day
On the banks of the cool Shalimar.
He gazed at the bottom as it peacefully lay
By the light of the evening star.

Away on the hilltop sat combing her hair
His fair Hippopotamine maid.
The Hippopotamus was no ignoramus
And sang her this sweet serenade.

Mud! Mud! Glorious mud!
Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood.
So, follow me, follow, down to the hollow,
And there let us wallow in glorious mud.

The fair Hippopotama he aimed to entice,
From here seen on the hilltop above,
As she hadn't got a ma to give her advice,
Came tip-toeing down to her love.

Like thunder the forest re-echoed the sound
Of the song that they sang as they met.
His enamorata adjusted her garter
And lifted her voice in duet.

Mud! Mud! Glorious mud!
Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood.
So, follow me, follow, down to the hollow,
And there let us wallow in glorious mud.

Now more Hippopotami began to convene
On the banks of that river so wide.
I wonder now what am I to say of the scene
That ensued by the Shalimar side?

They dived all at once with an ear-splitting splash,
Then rose to the surface again,
A regular army of Hippopotami
All singing this haunting refrain.

Mud! Mud! Glorious mud!
Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood.
So, follow me, follow, down to the hollow,
And there let us wallow in glorious mud.

P.S. There's a "Hippo Encore" as well!

P.P.S. I first posted about this song in a "Christmas CD 2 — Funny Guys" back in 2004. For more novelty music, check out the song list in that post.

Labels: humour, music

I was browsing around You Tube and initially stumbled across DCLuigi in his "ADD Shopping Network" video (very funny) and decided to check out some of his other stuff. That's when I discovered this sick and brilliant music video "Sick in the Head":



"Don't leave the kittens on the grill; Why use the stairs when you can fall?
Just leave your problems in the sink; I've got my shoes, they're made of dreams.
Is that a fire on your back? Think twice before you rape the dog.
I don't belong to triple A (hey, hey); Hey, let's pretend that we're alive.
I'm sick in the head, Just to let you know,
I'm sick in the head, Anyway, let's go"
Aren't the lyrics great?!

Labels: humour, music

My sister introduced me to the cartoons of Nick Downes. Not all of his cartoons are math and science related (and, unfortunately, his site doesn't reflect his geekiest side), but he has published two books of science related cartoons: Big Science and Whatever Happened to "Eureka"?. Humour for geeks! Hurrah!!

Hey, someone's gotta fill the void since Gary Larson retired.

Labels: animals, humour, math and science

Iraq Now Longer Than WWII
November 29, 2006 | Volume 42 • 48

OPINION—"The Iraq war may last longer, but I guarantee you that both wars will end the same way: with the complete destruction of the Japanese."
— Helen Wright, Meat Packer

More American Voices at The Onion»

Labels: humour, politics

CNN Renews "This Week At War" For Next 8 Seasons
November 22, 2006 | Volume 42 • 47

ATLANTA—CNN officials announced that they will be carrying the popular news show This Week At War through the 2014 season. "We're confident that we'll have at least eight full seasons worth of material for this property," said CNN President Jonathan Klein during the dedication of the new 11-story TWAW news headquarters in Kuwait City. "And believe me, we're going to be going in some surprising new directions. A premise like this can go on for a generation." In addition to TWAW's extended renewal, CNN is retooling existing news shows to give them a more martial focus, most notably The Situation And War Room, and Lou Dobbs Tonight In The Middle Of A Pitched Street Battle Between Sunni And Shiite Extremists.

For more irreverent misinformation, check out The Onion.

Labels: humour, politics

1. You've made "My eBay" your default home page.

2. You've earned a "Shooting Star" Feedback Profile for more than 10,000 purchases!

3. You set your alarm clock for 3 am so you can log on to protect your bid.

4. Every time you go to the grocery store, you offer the cashier one cent more for each item in the cart of the person in front of you.

5. You've changed all your clocks to "eBay official time (PDT)."

6. You've questioned your sanity because of the price you've bid... more than once.

7. Sitting on the floor of your empty apartment, you stare at your fingers and wonder whether they'll sell better individually or as a matched set.

8. You won't go to estate auctions because they don't take PayPal.

9. After a particularly passionate night, you lean over and whisper in your partner’s ear, "Excellent service, great communication! Would recommend again! AAAA++++"

10. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to eBay.

-:¦:-•:*'"*:•.-:¦:-•*eBay rocks!*•-:¦:-•:*''''*:•-:¦:-•*
I mention this list because I've recently exhibited symptom #6. But the items were really, really cool so that makes it okay, right? I sense your scepticism (or skepticism for you Americans). But just look at these items... I mean, how could I resist?

Labels: humour

Jon Stewart of The Daily Show on the results of the midterm election:

"The Democrats are feeling something that they haven't felt in quite some time, I believe the emotion is — and I don't know if I'll be able to pronounce this — 'hope'."

Labels: humour, jon stewart, politics

Jon's demonstration of the connection between Iraq and the War on Terror:

"Let's pretend this plug is 'Iraq' and you're trying to connect it to the 'war on terror,' which is this avocado. You can do it... but here's the problem: THE AVOCADO STILL DOESN'T TURN ON. And now your plug is covered in guacamole."

Labels: humour, jon stewart, politics

After a day of dealing with petty bureaucrats, I was reminded a "Two Cows" joke... to be specific, a pair of parodies:

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everybody else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. the government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. the government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. After you fill out the appropriate forms in triplicate, the government gives you all the eggs and milk that regulations say you SHOULD need (which typically bears little resemblance to actual need).

Labels: humour, politics

When George W. Bush was asked to use the word "diplomacy" in a sentence:

"Y'know Yale? That's where I got my diploma, see?"

Labels: bush bashing, humour, politics

Four steps to a hearty guffaw:

1. Go to www.google.com

2. Type in "Failure" without the quotes

3. Instead of hitting "Search" hit "I'm feeling Lucky"

4. See what comes up!

Additional step to share the laughter:

5. Tell your friends before the people at Google fix it!

P.S. I will be writing a wee post about my Toronto trip within the next few days but don't wait with bated breath because, alas, there are no really juicy stories to tell.

Labels: bush bashing, humour

Jon Stewart on the Arctic ice cap:

"There is near-universal consensus the melting is due in part to global warming, but the Bush administration counters that the ice caps are not melting — rather, the water has been liberated."

Labels: bush bashing, humour, jon stewart, politics, tv

I've been crazy busy and crazy sick, so my blog has been left unattended of late. But I just received this little funny and thought it was worth posting:

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" The President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Labels: bush bashing, humour, language

Bush's Approval Rating Of Other Americans Also At All-Time Low
September 28, 2005 | Issue 41•39

WASHINGTON, DC—Shortly after President Bush's job-approval rating dipped to 40 percent, the lowest of his presidency, a poll indicated that Bush's approval rating for American citizens is also at an all-time low. "At 30 percent, President Bush's satisfaction with 'likely voters' is the lowest it's ever been," said Rachel Markham of TNS Intersearch. While Bush finds that 40 percent of Americans are "on the right track," he said he believes only 30 percent will do a good job supporting him in the event of another disaster or terrorist attack.

For more irreverent misinformation, check out The Onion.

Labels: bush bashing, humour, politics

Just came across this very entertaining little animation about the "End of the World" (as we know it) ...



... Enjoy!

Labels: humour

Until I quoted from the Llamabean blog yesterday, I'd forgotten all about this pic that my erudite, laconic, guitar-playing friend Brian sent me. Once I remembered it, I figured it was high time to post it. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did:

Labels: humour

I was browsing Comics.com when I came across this cartoon. I got a good chuckle from it; hopefully you will, too:

Labels: humour

Halliburton Gets Contract To Pry Gold Fillings From New Orleans Corpses' Teeth
HOUSTON—On Tuesday, Halliburton received a $110 million no-bid government contract to pry the gold fillings from the mouths of deceased disaster victims in the New Orleans-Gulf Coast area. "We are proud to serve the government in this time of crisis by recovering valuable resources from the wreckage of this deadly storm," said David J. Lesar, Halliburton's president. "The gold we recover from the human rubble of Katrina can be used to make fighter-jet electronics, supercomputer chips, inflation-proof A-grade investments, and luxury yachting watches."

For more irreverent misinformation, check out The Onion.

For anyone out there who's thinking that my Katrina humour is in bad taste, check out this CNN article: Have you heard the one about Katrina? Aftermath of storm fuels jokes — mainly aimed at government.

Labels: humour, politics

Jon Stewart on the evacuation of New Orleans:

"You can't just rush in there. The federal government can't just usurp the power of the states — unless New Orleans is in some type of persistent vegetative state..."

Labels: humour, jon stewart, politics, tv

"Today's Forecast: Partly rational with brief periods of coherent thought giving way to complete apathy by tonight." ~ Sherrie Weaver

Labels: humour

For anyone looking for some black humour in the Katrina situation, I highly recommend heading over to The Onion this week and checking out their special feature: Disaster in the Delta.

Headlines include:
"Louisiana National Guard Offers Help By Phone From Iraq"
"Refugees Moved From Sewage-Contaminated Superdome To Hellhole Of Houston" &
"White Foragers Report Threat Of Black Looters"

Remember, sometimes you've gotta laugh to keep from crying.

Labels: humour, politics

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone... but they've always worked for me."
~ Hunter S. Thompson

Labels: humour

'Humor In Uniform' Submissions At All-Time Low
PLEASANTVILLE, NY—Reader's Digest editors reported Monday that submissions to their "Humor In Uniform" feature have fallen off sharply since 2001. "The submissions that are trickling in are just not making me laugh," said Jackie Leo, an editor at the magazine. "I'm looking for amusing send-ups of peeling potatoes on KP duty, not another vignette about a soldier waking up screaming because he accidentally shot a pregnant Iraqi woman." Leo said she almost published one soldier's story about being financially devastated by shrinking veteran benefits "just to help him out with the $300 publication fee, but it just wasn't funny enough."

For more irreverent misinformation, check out The Onion.

Labels: humour

Episode 3 of the "Leave It To Bush!" flash animation series is now available at The Toilet Online. But my favourite is definitely Espisode 2 with Bill Cosby... too funny!

Episode 1 – An Afternoon In The Park: Hopelessly confused moron chats it up with Gary Busey and two very special friends. Featuring the musical stylings of Bearsuit.

Episode 2 – Snortin’ Coke On The Moon: Deranged simpleton discusses a very personal relationship with his dear friend Bill Cosby on the Moon. Featuring a song by The Go! Team.

Episode 3 — Strangers On A Train: The fates of George W. Bush and Samuel L. Jackson collide head-first on a train bound for destiny. Featuring music by Of Montreal.

Labels: bush bashing, humour, politics

Jon Stewart on "nuclear states":

"President Bush did not offer India official recognition as a nuclear state, which would have put it on par with Russia, France and China. So if India ever drops a nuclear bomb on you, remember: it doesn't count."

Labels: bush bashing, humour, jon stewart, politics, tv

While listening to someone repeatedly use the word "horticultural" tonight (okay, I admit it, I was watching Canadian Idol... and all I'm gonna say on that topic is I'm glad that talent won out over dimples). Where was I? Oh yes... horticultural, horticultural, horticultural. I realize that the show is not exactly literate, but I almost expected someone to quote the ever-quotable Dorothy Parker.

When asked to use the word horticulture in a sentence, Parker quipped:
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

Labels: humour

Check out Pocket Lint's photo gallery of amusing office pranks.

P.S. Post about my weekend activities will follow in the next day or two... brain currently too tired to process language and thought correctly.

Labels: humour

I guess I did have something to post after all... I just checked recent searches that landed folks on my blog and found a bunch for: "Video Killed the Radio Star" & Belinda Stronach. Huh? So I did a little search myself and found an article called A funny thing happened on the way to the House of Commons that said, among other things:

Stronach's move to the Grits remains fodder on the Internet and revived the Buggles 1981 hit Video Killed the Radio Star.

It's been redone by persons unknown as Liberals Killed the Conservative Star.

Included in the parody are some of Peter MacKay's post-dumping comments - "Didn't see it coming," and "Came home to clear my head."

Some of the lyrics:

"I heard you joined the party in 2002, you lost the leadership and your ambition grew, you dumped the party and dumped your boyfriend, too."

The song also pokes fun at Stronach's fortune:

"They want your pretty face, they want your pedigree, they want your credit card, that's loaded with mon-ey."

Naturally I had to try to find this thing and hear it for myself. Which I did... oh so funny. So, if you haven't already heard it, here ya go: Liberals Killed the Conservative Star.

Labels: humour, news, politics

Shock and annoy your coworkers with The Ultimate Fart Soundboard!

Not that any of my oh-so-sophisticated friends would find this funny... (right, Brian?)

Labels: humour

Another "Category Post": posts filed under "Humour"

Ten Signs You Might Be An eBay Addict (11.21.2006)
Daily Quote (11.13.2006)
A New Crew In Town (10.15.2006)
Jon Stewart... Life Support for My Blog (10.10.2006)
Crazy Videos (9.03.2006)
Separated at Birth? (7.19.2006)
Spoof Trailers (4.30.2006)
What Makes Milk Spurt Through Your Nose? (4.19.2006)
Bureaucrap (3.24.2006)
Diplomacy (1.17.2006)
More From The Onion (11.16.2005) "Animal Planet Reality Show To Put Bear, Antelope, Hawk, Cheetah In Same House"
The Onion: News in Brief (11.10.2005) "Cameron Crowe To Release Only Soundtracks"
Google's Definition of Failure... (10.26.2005)
"Daily" Quote (10.10.2005)
How Many is A Brazillion? (10.02.2005)
More From The Onion (9.28.2005) "Bush's Approval Rating Of Other Americans Also At All-Time Low"
...And I Feel Fine (9.27.2005)
Drama Llama (9.22.2005)
Rubes (9.17.2005)
The Onion: News in Brief (9.16.2005) "Halliburton Gets Contract To Pry Gold Fillings From New Orleans Corpses' Teeth"
"Daily" Quote (9.12.2005)
Today's Forecast (9.09.2005)
God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again (9.07.2005)
Quote of the Day (9.02.2005)
Neologism Contest (8.25.2005)
Family Guy's Freakin' Blog (8.19.2005)
The Onion: News in Brief (8.15.2005) "'Humor In Uniform' Submissions At All-Time Low"
Leave It To Bush! (8.09.2005)
"Daily" Quote (8.08.2005)
Irreverent Graffiti (7.23.2005)
Horticultural (6.29.2005)
Bored at the Office? (6.19.2005)
Simpsons for the Blind (6.5.2005)
Ultimate Farting Machine (6.3.2005)
Irregardless Unformation (5.28.2005)
Evil Fisher Price Boy (5.9.2005)
Quote of the Day (4.25.2005)
Comedy Central's Joke of the Day (4.15.2005)
"It" Factor vs. "Ick" Factor (4.11.2005)
Oh Boy, That Tickles! (3.27.2005)
It's Not Easy Being Green (3.17.2005)
Loonatics (3.16.2005)
Jargon Watch (3.10.2005)
Dinosaur Blog (3.9.2005)
Superman is a Dick (3.7.2005)
British Chuckles (2.10.2005)
Is SpongeBob Gay?! (2.4.2005)
Calvin and Hobbes' Gory Snowmen (1.25.2005)
Recommended Daily Dose of TV (1.24.2005)
Happy Birthday, Brian! (1.20.2005)
The Bush Show (1.13.2005)
You Are What You Eat (1.12.2005)
Christmas CD 2 — Funny Guys (12.28.2004)
Who You Gonna Call? (12.6.2004)
A Daily Dose of The Daily Show (12.3.2004)
Post-Election Blog Post (11.4.2004)
The Onion: News in Brief (10.22.2004) "Nader Polling At 8 Percent Among Past Supporters"
Got Something to Say? (10.19.2004)
Teen Girl Squad! (10.11.2004)
A Rose is a Rose is a Rose (10.9.2004)
Apropos of Nothing (9.30.2004)
Warped Writing (9.24.2004)
Too Fuckin' Funny (and... er... yeah... lame pun intended) (9.23.2004)
Neurotically Yours (9.21.2004)
Men in Hats (9.20.2004)
Political Parody (8.31.2004)
Peculiar Dreams (8.27.2004)
A Pathetic Excuse for an Update (7.6.2004)
Sick & Twisted Easter Greetings... (thanks Dana!) (4.9.2004)
More Warped Humour (4.7.2004)
Maybe I should be worried that I find this sooo funny... (3.2.2004)
Do you ever feel like doing this to someone? (3.1.2004)

Labels: humour

One of my favourite movies as a kid was "All The President's Men" (I know, I was a strange child). So when I saw a news clip that the identity of Deep Throat was finally going to be revealed, I was very excited (perhaps I'm a strange adult, as well). But now that the secret's out (former Deputy Director of the FBI, W. Mark Felt), it all seems a little anti-climactic. As Jon Stewart said, "Deep Throat is... a guy you've never heard of."

Stewart went on to report that G. Gordon Liddy, who went to jail for the Watergate break-in (minor detail), was asked his opinion about Felt's actions. (D'ya think the person asking the question actually thought Liddy would say, "he's a hero, man... two thumbs up"?) Apparently, Liddy said that Felt had "behaved unethically." ("You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means"... non-sequitur courtesy of The Princess Bride.) Jon Stewart surmised that Liddy probably went on to say "through this man's unethical actions, I went to jail for crimes I committed." (I'll link to the Stewart clip once it's available on the website.)

But if you want actual news coverage, check out The Washington Post's FBI's No. 2 Was 'Deep Throat' (it's only fair to start with the paper that started it all), CNN's Deep Throat's Role Revisited or the New York Post's 'Deep Throat' Coughs it Up (yep, that was the actual headline).

I also did a Technorati blog search to see what people are writing on their blogs about this and I was dismayed at the number of people saying how disappointed they are that Deep Throat turned out to be some whiny bureaucrat who only squealed because he'd been passed over for promotion. Granted, I just admitted to being a little disappointed myself, but my disappointment stems from the low key and commonplace way this 30 year secret was revealed (and the fact that I'd never heard of the guy before). Quite honestly, I think Felt did the right thing and I don't particularly care why he did it. So I prefer the opinions expressed on the blog So Let It Be Written... (Deep Throat): "You don't have to be a hero to do the right thing." Amen to that!

Apparently, Woodward had prepared for Felt's eventual death by writing a short book about Deep Throat. (Woodward & Bernstein had promised not to disclose his identity until after his death.) I'm guessing that his publisher is gonna have that book on the shelves in no time flat. And if you think I'm gonna buy it... well, you'd be right.

Labels: humour, jon stewart, news, politics, tv

You gotta check out this eBay auction for the Extremely Mean Fisher Price Boy. Here he is pushing his sister down the slide:


The rest of the pictures that go along with it are pretty damn funny, too. (Thanks for the link, Brian.)

Labels: humour

Q. What did George W Bush get on his SAT's?
A. Drool.


You, too, can have these brilliant examples of wit emailed to you daily from Comedy Central Jokes.

Labels: bush bashing, humour, politics

Was watching last night's intro to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and was quite tickled by the segment about the latest report critiquing U.S. intelligence gathering capabilities (and the NY Times' use of the phrase "doody-headed nincompoopery"... one can't help but wonder if the decline in their vocabulary is the result of William Safire's retirement... but I digress). While pondering why the authors of this report didn't seem to have access to the three previous reports that reached the same conclusions, Stewart suggested that a new report would be issued to explain this lack of communication, entitled:

"The Report Commission:
Reporting on Reporting Redundancy on Commission Reporting"
>>> watch segment

Naturally, this made me think of the phrase "Department of Redundancy Department." (Did I mention that this was going to be one of those tangentially meandering blog posts?) And I started trying to figure out who first coined that phrase. I remember reading it in "Anguished English" by Richard Lederer, but I'm sure it was around before then. It almost sounds Orwellian but it's kinda the antithesis of the Newspeak in "1984," which is intended to simplify language to its barest, most essential parts rather than make it more complicated than it needs to be (hmm... complicated like my run-on sentences that spew verbosity at every turn). Ironically, the Newspeak translation of "extremely bad" into "doubleplusungood" actually sounds more complicated to me, even though its root words are simplistic. (By the way, check out this Complete Newspeak Dictionary.) But I'm digressing yet again. (Though how can one tell in such a tangent-based rambling?)

Now where was I? Oh yes, Newspeak. The purpose of Newspeak is to dehumanize language and discount the emotion behind complex constructions of words. So if a culture's language does not contain the word for a concept, will the people of that culture be unable to comprehend it? Apparently, some linguistic anthropologists seem to think so (one website that I stumbled across claimed that Noam Chomsky is one of them, but being more familiar with his anarchist politics than his lingustic theories, I can't vouch for that). Taken to its extreme: if no word for "suffering" exists, how can one appreciate that they are, indeed, suffering? Likewise, how can an oppressed people rebel if they do not understand what "to rebel" means?

Hmm, interesting idea. But I counter with Buffy creator Joss Whedon's claim that language can sometimes have the effect of inhibiting true communication. (Have you seen the Emmy-nominated Buffy episode "Hush"? The majority of the episode is completely without dialogue and what little dialogue there is at the beginning and end of the show focuses on speech and communication... very on theme.) Who was it who said that words conceal as much as they reveal? [Google search result: "Words, like nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within." ~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson]

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE words (as anybody who reads my blog can attest). But I would argue that the hypothetical culture that doesn't have a word for suffering or rebellion will still suffer and rebel AND communicate about it. That communication may involve action or art instead of language, but the lack of a word doesn't prevent the intuitive thought. Does it? Or maybe I'm naive and uneducated and I just need to read more about the various theories of linguistics. And maybe that's more than enough inconclusive ramblings for today.

Labels: books and literature, buffy, humour, jon stewart, language, philosophy, politics, tv

Recently on Boing Boing there was a disturbing article about school boards eliminating sex-ed from textbooks. But have no fear... what the kids don't learn at school, they can learn from their toys:

Tigger boning Tickle Me Elmo: Smart toys acting dumb

Stick a Tickle Me Elmo and an electronic Tigger together and they will simulate a really dirty sex scene, as captured on this video. Smart toys from different vendors are really overdue for combinatorial unintended consequences.

Since I'm not really in the mood to rant about reactionary school boards and the chilling victory of narrow-minded morality over education, I'll simply suggest that if you're in the mood for a giggle watch Tigger "tickle" Elmo.

Labels: humour

I can't believe I missed this CNN article: Christians issue gay warning on SpongeBob video. It's bad enough that the poor guy (sponge?) was "outed" by the U.S. media in 2002 after reports that the TV show and its merchandise are popular with gays. (Oh my gawd! So shocking! ) Now he's gotta contend with the Christian right whose response to the We Are Family Foundation's video designed to encourage tolerance and diversity, is to say: "A short step beneath the surface reveals that one of the differences being celebrated is homosexuality."

So what if SpongeBob SquarePants is a little light in the toes and likes to hold hands with his male friends while romping around in his tighty whities? So what if he likes to bat his long luscious eyelashes while singing songs about love and friendship? You would too if you lived in a pineapple under the sea. Give the poor sponge a break (and check out his show's website while you're at it).

In his post What a Drag, Robot Johnny recommends taking "a long witch-hunting heterosexual look back to the oh-so wholesome 1950's." He goes on to say: "If you want 'unnatural' sexual behaviour and 'improper' gender identity, one has to look no further than the world's most famous antiestablishmentarian gender-bending wabbit."


For more about this shocking side of Bugs, head over to Bugs Bunny in Drag.

Labels: humour, pop culture

Remember the Calvin and Hobbes strips where Calvin made snowmen that appeared to have been hit and cut in half by his dad's car, or eaten by "snow sharks"? A snow-sculptor has created real-life versions of these and posted photos to the Web. My favourite:



Click on this link for additional gruesome examples.

For more of Calvin's snowman strips, check out Calvin & Hobbes Snow Art Gallery.

Labels: humour, pop culture

Having been posting so frequently of late, I realize that my sudden radio silence may be noticeable to my few (very few) regulars. No earth shattering reason for the lull, just beset with car troubles, familial issues and fumes from hardwood floor refinishing in the next door apartment. But I thought I should post a little something soon, so as not to lose my captive audience. (Yeah, that's right, I said "captive"... a grrl's allowed to dream, isn't she?)

So a few Churchillian anecdotes I've collected over the years:

1. At a dinner party one evening, there was a heated exchange between Winston Churchill and a female MP. At the end of the exchange the lady scornfully remarked, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk." To which Churchill replied: "And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober tomorrow."

2. Shortly before World War I Nancy Astor, the American-born wife of Waldorf, Viscount Astor, visited Blenheim Palace, the ancestral home of the Churchill family. In conversation with Winston Churchill, he opposed her on a number of causes that she held dear. In some exasperation Lady Astor said, "Winston, if I were married to you, I would put poison in your coffee." Churchill responded, "And if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

3. During the early thirties Churchill's critics called him rash, impetuous, tactless, contentious, inconsistent, unsound, an amusing parliamentary celebrity who was forever out of step. "We just don't know what to make of him," a troubled Tory MP told Lady Astor. She asked brightly: "How about a nice rug?" (Technically about Churchill rather than truly Churchillian, but I'm quite fond of the acid-tongued Lady Astor who one said, "I married beneath me. All women do.")

4. George Bernard Shaw sent Churchill a note inviting him to the first-night performance of Saint Joan. He enclosed two tickets, "One for yourself and one for a friend... if you have a friend." To which Churchill replied, "Unable to attend the opening night. Please send tickets for the second night... if there is a second night." (One of my favourite anecdotes ever!)

And another fave that is not actually Churchillian at all (one of these things is not like the others...), but it's British so that still counts, right?

5. When Lady Margot Asquith, second wife of British Prime Minister Herbert Asquith, was introduced to American movie star Jean Harlow, the platinum-blonde Harlow addressed Lady Asquith by her Christian name. She made the mistake of pronouncing the word as if it rhymed with rot. Lady Asquith corrected her: "My dear, the t is silent, as in Harlow."

Labels: humour

Just came across this hilarious cartoon of Kerry & Bush called "This Land". Apparently, during July, this film drew more than three times as many hits as the official campaign sites of the presidential candidates. (I suppose, after offering a stat like that, I should at least post links to aforementioned official sites for John Kerry & George Dubya... wonder how many people will actually click on those links?)

And now, since "This Land" is essentialy nonpartisan (and I'm sooo not), I figger'd I should have a little extra fun at George Dubya's expense with the "Dishonest Dubya" Lying Action Figure Doll.

Labels: bush bashing, humour, politics

How to Make a Chocolate Easter Bunny

Labels: humour

Thank you Brian for making sure my sense of humour stays a little off centre (even if it's not nearly as twisted as yours)... Rev. Billy Bob's Rodent Revival

Labels: humour

Want to see something hilariously warped? Check out Schfiftyfive.

Labels: humour

Just watch this over and over... it makes you feel sooo much better...

Labels: humour