By
Ed Wiens, creator of GLitcH! computer comics. May 2003.
Originally,
my interest with Hollywood had absolutely nothing to do with cartoons,
or my comic strip, GLitcH!, for that matter.
Not
at first anyway.
It
had everything to do with screenwriting.
Screenwriting.
Ah, yes, that creative pipedream so many of us love to indulge
in. Just picture it as you recline in your La-Z-boy chair:
You
whip off 90-some-odd pages of creative dreck and the million dollar
checks come cascading through your front door mail slot.
RING! Jack Nicholson's
on the phone? What? Didn't I tell him the lead in my latest movie
has already been cast?! What's that? My agent has six more offers
he wants to present? All right, I guess I could take a few minutes
away from my putting practice to look at them…
(POP!)
Hold it. What's this? A cold cup of coffee and a stale cheesebun?
As soon as I started daydreaming I must have forgotten all about
them - ooooh - nectar of the Gods.
Okay,
I didn't really presume it would be like all that. I knew some
of the odds going in and the impossibility of the whole thing.
But then, I said to myself, I was confronted with the same odds
about creating a comic strip just a few short years ago.
Impossible.
Won't get to square one. Waste of time.
But
why not try? I mean, I paint paintings that I enjoy not just for
the end result but for the creative process. Screenwriting is
one of those last few opportunities (as is cartooning) where you
can create something saleable without risking a huge investment
of capital. But, knowing the impossible odds, why do it at all?
You
see, me being a creative individual who, in the past, had often
been a loud and irritating critic of movies (just ask any of my
friends), and being someone who at times felt that being a loudmouth
just wasn't satisfying enough if one never actually got to implement
all those highly-opinionated views on film-making, I thought I'd
better test myself. Was I just blowing hot air about films and
entertainment or, given the opportunity, would I actually have
what it takes to write something better? (Note: I said, "better,"
not "as good" since the average level of movies these
days is - hold it - I'm starting up again.)
I
wanted to give it a shot. So, I read everything I could on screenwriting
and set out to write my screenplay. But, not just ANY screenplay,
it was to be a COMEDY screenplay. A STUPID comedy screenplay,
as I've referred to it many a time. But, "STUPID" doesn't
mean poor, or unintelligent, it just means the type of comedy
where the audience gets a good laugh even when it might not want
to. You see, after writing GLitcH! for a number of years, I felt
that I had a pretty good feel for writing humorous dialogue. Also,
as I discovered, writing a comedy is one of the most difficult
types of screenplay to write because it has to do everything that
a drama has to do PLUS be funny. So, in about a year and a half,
I completed a screenplay called "Elvis, P.I." After about six
drafts, I was satisfied that it didn't have any major problems
and felt that I had taken it about as far as it should go.
I
then posted my screenplay on the screenwriting website "zoetrope.com"
(Francis Ford Coppola's company's website for developing writers).
Let
me say up front, that I thoroughly enjoyed the process. I had
to review a series of other writer's scripts afterwhich my script
was reviewed by a number of other writers as well. I was gratified
to see that it received very high marks and since it received
very positive reviews, the script was then reviewed by Zoetrope
staff for the possibility of being produced. In the end it was
not optioned (big surprise).
I'd
like to mention a thrilling moment - which meant absolutely nothing
- that occurred when I received a discussion group response from
the Coppola man himself which was extremely rare (I'd only seen
one response by him in over a year). Of course, his point at that
time was to tell me that my comments on the subject of actors
were totally wrong and proceeded to tell me what I should have
known in the first place. I resisted the urge to respond with
an email that would scream: "READ MY SCRIPT!! a couple of hundred
times. I knew desperation wouldn't work well and so left it at
that. Besides there was a flurry of rump-smooching from other
discussion group inhabitants who flooded in to post their own
replies to his message and to declare their great love and appreciation
for Mr. Coppola's work, and how inspiring he was… blah, blah,
blah.
Not
that you asked for my opinion about Zoetrope.com, but here it
is anyway:
Zoetrope
is a terrific forum to discuss writing and all aspects of film-making,
but be prepared to spend a lot of time with others who have about
as much experience as you do. It's akin to taking a writing course
without an instructor where everyone in the class is left to teach
each other (hey, sometimes it actually works).
However,
the critiquing process- both the act of writing critiques and
the event of having your work critiqued
- is one that everyone should have to go through. It is a maddening,
humbling, but ultimately rewarding process.
My
only real criticism of this site is more of what expectations
we, as creative people bring to it, which is that no one is happy
remaining a perpetual beginner who's shut out of the hollywood
process. At the end of the day, screenwriters want ACCESS, and
that is something that this site cannot provide in anything more
than the minutest of forms (one might say "token" amounts). Again,
the cricitism has more to do with our expectations than what a
screenwriting site like Zoetrope offers (after all, it's there
as a kind of public service to get writers honing their craft
and should be commended for it). From the developmental point
of view, the site is terrific. From the point of view of someone
who wants to work as a screenwriter, you have to realize that
this site is a tool that will help you become a better writer,
but eventually you have to move on and seek your fortune elsewhere.
So,
anyway, armed with the information that I wasn't totally delusional
about my skills in screenwriting, I sent it off to about 26 agents.
That's the next step, you see - getting an agent. In fact, anyone
who's ever tried this will tell you that getting an agent is almost
harder than the process of selling a screenplay itself. Most agents
simply return your query or just shred whatever you send them
and send no response whatsoever for paranoid (and sometimes real)
legal reasons.
From
my mail-out I received two responses. I'd like to add that a friend
of mine who also writes screenplays points out that this type
of response is phenomenal. One might usually get one response
in about a hundred queries.
The
first response was from a famous agency that I would have LOVED
to have signed with. They requested a copy of my script. I sent
it and after about a month and a half of sitting on pins and needles,
I phoned them to get their response. I received a rather discourteous
and abrupt PASS on it with an attitude that seemed to say that
I should have KNOWN they wouldn't have been interested in it.
So, why then, I pondered, did they ask for a copy since I'd provided
a synopsis of my story in the original query?
No
matter. Moving on.
(By
the way: I've omitted the names of the agencies I've dealt with,
not to withhold information, but because I received the advice
not to include them because often when publishing information
like this the agency that's mentioned gets flooded with queries
from people who have suddenly been "recommended" by the person
who wrote the article.
The
second response was from another huge agency, who, oddly enough,
didn't want to see a copy of my script but who LOVED the little
cartoon computer on my letterhead! (I wasn't even pushing my comic
strip during all this!).
They
passed it to their family division, and an agent wanted to represent
- not me - not my screenplay - but GLitcH!
She wanted to test-market it and find out if it had any possibilities
with the various studios and animation houses. I signed a contract
with them and put together a series of marketing packages for
them to send out to potential buyers (being a graphic designer
DOES come in handy). The packages went out and it wasn't too long
before I began to get replies.
Although
I received a lot of good comments on the character and concept,
unfortunately all companies passed on it. But, in an odd kind
of way, it was actually FUN getting rejection letters from FOX
studios as well as some other well-known animation companies.
I, however, probably wouldn’t be saying that if I was trying
to rely on it to pay bills!
No
deals came out of all this, but I appreciated the agent's hard
work anyway, knowing that they don't get paid unless they make
a deal. This is a good way to differentiate between a real agent
and someone who just wants to bilk you for money - if they ask
for money from YOU, it's time to walk.
Looking
at this seriously, I realized that not everyone hits a home-run
on their first time at bat. I enjoyed the chance to try and, again,
not everyone even gets this chance - EVER.
One
terrific thing of all this was the attitude at this particular
agency, which was that they would look at any other ideas that
I could get into a developed form. In fact, about nine months
later, I had another go-round with a children's book and television
series concept. It also didn't get a buyer, but, again, like they
say: you miss 100% of the shots you don't take (I read that on
a poster - I never actually played any sports.)
So,
Hollywood beckoned; I gave it a shot; it didn't turn into any
deals, but it wasn't the end of the world, either. In fact, it
might be the beginning of something that has yet to play itself
out. I'm
keeping the channels open with this company and am trying to develop
yet another concept (hope really does spring eternal).
One
benefit is that now at least, I know that when I'm 75 I won't
be grumbling to everyone who listens that, "I could've
been a great screenwriter, if only I'd - ").
What's happened
with my screenplay, you ask? Like many screenplays, it hasn't
been optioned or has any current chance of being produced. I'm
not continuing on with promoting it and am moving on to other
things. Other screenplays, you ask again, your hand hovering
dangerously near your mouse button, ready to zoom off to another
site. Yes, maybe more screenplays. Maybe a television concept,
or maybe something entirely different. The process of writing
is somewhat addictive (look at all the techno-babble, that I love
to indulge in). I have no doubt that I'll continue creating new
characters and worlds that exist only on paper.
I've
enjoyed all the different roads that a little cartoon like GLitcH!
has taken me down. Some have led to friendly, interesting places
- kind of like the old Cheers show - where everyone knows your
name. Other, have been down dark alleys where the sun never seems
to shine.
At
those times when I've encountered a set-back, I often think of
Walt Disney who had a hit with one of his first cartoon creations,
"Oswald the Lucky Rabbit," only to later lose ownership of it
due to a contractual dispute. He'd also at one point in his career,
been flat broke. He stated later, after the incredible successes
he enjoyed with Mickey Mouse, film, television, and theme-parks,
that he'd always felt that it had been important to him to have
had a major failure while he was still young. It had shaped him
and made him stronger.
In
comparison to Disney's early experiences, I think the occasional
set-back I've had hasn't been too much to bear.
Preacher's
corner: (I hate getting preachy but if you can take a little
advice from what I've learned, here it is)
Just
go for it and do your best. If you fail, you'll still have gained
something - experience and knowledge and the pride in yourself
that you did something and you weren't just a critic on the
sidelines. Take a close look at those who criticize for taking
a shot and missing. Then take a look at yourself and see how
you've benefited and think of where you'd be if you hadn't tried.
You will then see why even when you don't succeed - you succeed.
Ed
Wiens
